Navigating the world since leaving school has been a constant battle of trying to shave off square edges to fit into a round hole. Is that what it means to grow up? Is that what deems us adults? Is throwing away everything for the sake of fitting in and meeting a certain requirement what we're supposed to do? By that definition, growing up feels impossible.
The jobs I've accepted as a means to an end have said the same thing about me, but from different mouths. Recently, I think one of the girls - very close to my age - commented in a jovial way, "There's just something about you." And others have said something along those lines to me as well, for better or for worse.
Special snowflake? Hardly. But that 'something' - whatever it is - feels like it may as well be a mark that everyone can see and attempt to shave into something more suitable. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down, after all.
That's what is feels like.
On a very positive note, the most successful people have always had certain personality types or there was just 'something' about them. Some kind of passion, some kind of drive, some kind of aura, but it's never an easy journey.
I mentioned this swirl of thoughts to my boyfriend - growing pains, square pegs, round holes and the like - and he said, "You are just so unabashedly yourself, and that scares and intimidates a lot of people."
And as he said this I thought, "Why are we so afraid of ourselves?"
For myself, I am passionate. I am one of those passionate people that errs on the side of scary. My voice raises and it's mistaken for another emotion. I've heard so many times, "Why are you so angry?" But I'm not angry. My passion flows, my passion drives, and my passion creates.
If not for passion, why are we even alive?
If I am passionate and the world around me attempts to curb that passion, what does that say about the world?
What does that say about ourselves for accepting it?
I, for one, refuse.